Naughty...but Nice

PHOTO: Intiem

Women’s magazines continue to flood the market,
but is there really room for more? Yes, says the editorial
team of Intiem, a newly-launched Afrikaans publication.
Because Intiem, they say, is different.
Alida van Niekerk finds out why.

O… O… Orgasmes!” reads the lipstick-red page. “Min dinge kom by daardie lieflike, lyflike ervaring….”
Page a little further and “Orale seks kraai koning in die slaapkamer” may catch your eye.
Or, should the proposed techniques fail to arouse your curiosity, turn to page 108 for a mini-catalogue offering the latest sex toys.
Loslyf?
No.
Not even a torrent of sexual material dimly veiled between the covers of a “magazine for the modern man”.
No, this is Intiem: a new Afrikaans women’s magazine. Specifically: A publication for the modern, married, Christian woman.
Ah, and here’s the difference: Between the Durex lubricants advert and the publication of readers’ sauciest bedroom tales, you will also find articles on the importance of a healthy sex life for a healthy marriage, what to do should the children make untimely bedroom appearances and the debate around whether or not sex before marriage is strictly taboo.
Annelize Steyn is breathless when she answers the phone.
“Sorry,” she says between little gasps for air, “I just came back from the pharmacy.” She speaks from her bedroom, as a difficult first pregnancy has restricted her activities. “I can’t wait for the little guy to come now!” she says.
Annelize is the editor of Intiem, published by Media in Africa, which launched its first shelf edition in May this year.

Previously only available to subscribers (recruited via sms and e-mail campaigns), the editorial team recognised a significant market demand and pushed for its eventual retail distribution.
“Regarding tasteful sex in the media, it’s not that Afrikaans women have had less reading matter than English women – we haven’t had any,” Annelize says. “Although things have slowly started changing in the past decade, the image of a Calvinistic
Afrikaans woman in a Voortrekker dress persists and the media are still nervous of tackling this subject.”
So, where any mention of sex was previously subdued to a whispered euphemism behind a manicured hand or a hushed
conversation behind closed bedroom doors, Intiem provides direct and straightforward information.
“Married Christian women buy the magazine because it speaks openly but makes them comfortable in knowing its information is safe and not in opposition to their religious
beliefs,” Annelize says.

L iezel van der Merwe, who conceptualised Intiem and is the managing editor, agrees. “Before, women only consented to sex at request,” she says.
“Now, the modern Afrikaans woman also initiates it. Our market research – comprising mostly of interviews with sexologists and women hosting sex talks – showed us the need to move away from this strictly narrow-minded approach to sex.”
Intiem does, but both women emphasise an important distinction: Intiem is not a spiritual or religious publication; it is, however, a publication for Christian women.
“A religious publication functions strictly according to the Bible’s framework and what it can justify. It will rarely contain an article that’s unrelated to a Bible text,” Annelize says. “Intiem often features articles about subjects not addressed in the Bible, so we can’t always look there for rules.
“For instance, nowhere in the Bible is judgement delivered on S&M [Sadism and Masochism] or swinging. But we do know within our Christian framework that God is against causing pain, which automatically eliminates certain subjects.”
This means that journalists write from a “religious perspective”, placing emphasis on issues that Christians deem important and that certain topics, such as homosexual sex, will never be discussed.
There are, however, many issues subject to conflicting opinions and here the magazine staff rely on “the guidance of the Holy Spirit”.
“What may be unthinkable for one couple may be part of another’s daily – or nightly! – routine,” Annelize points out. “Who are we to say S&M is wrong if a couple enjoys it to a light extent within a marriage?”
S o, Intiem stays between broad religious guidelines and any risky subject is first run past a sexologist or dominee. To keep the magazine tasteful at all times, no explicit photos are published, scientific sexual language is used and experts and theologians are regularly consulted.
Besides the tricky topics, there are also issues, such as rape, which are categorically excluded to keep the publication a “feel-good” one. “Part of our mission is to show the Christian woman that sex is a God-given gift and not something that needs to weigh her down with guilt,” Annelize says. “We want Intiem to inspire our readers and make a positive difference in their marriages.”
Should “heavy” material – such as features on pornography addiction – appear, articles will be limited to one per edition and will be “handled positively” by offering help or advice. And, Annelize says, it will always be written from the perspective of, “How does this influence my marriage?”.
Besides its sexual content, Intiem will also always contain four to six articles dealing with important marital or Christian issues. These are usually “emotional” articles, Annelize says, whereas the rest of the magazine is more “advisory and humorous”.
I n addition, a special section is set aside for men. In the autumn edition, they could learn how to become “the king of foreplay”. These pages, mostly compiled by Annelize, offer men advice from a female perspective. “Men get enough advice from the boys around the braai!” she says.
Elmari Craig, a Christian sexologist and marriage counsellor who regularly contributes to Intiem, believes that Christian women have
become gradually – but significantly – more open regarding their sexuality. “The media is full of articles about sex, which serve, to a certain extent, as desensitisation. Especially after the launch of Viagra, people started speaking more often and honestly about sex,” she says.
Which is why, in Elmari’s opinion, Intiem can contribute to cultivating a healthy attitude towards sex. Although there is already a myriad of sexual material available in the media, Intiem provides accurate scientific knowledge in an easily understandable way and from a Christian perspective.
“Intiem helps to show Christian women that you can talk about sex, that you are allowed to enjoy it and that a healthy sexual relationship is ‘spiritual warfare’ to protect and strengthen your marriage,” Elmari says.
However, she continues, there’s still a long way to go and many women are still cautious of fully embracing their sexuality.
Could this be why, despite moving from frigid to forthcoming, Intiem still guarantees strict anonymity for reader contributions and
emphasises discreet packaging (“no one will ever guess!”) when ordering special toys?
No, says Annelize. “We find Christian women very open-minded. The problem is that society as a whole isn’t ready for this. It doesn’t matter how liberal a Christian woman is, she still doesn’t want her mother-in-law to open Intiem and see that her son’s wife won a Pocket Rocket vibrator by sharing her story about oral sex.”
And the only reason for the A5 “discreet handbag size”, Liezel says, is because it’s popular internationally and the magazine is one you “want to carry with you all the time”.
While the editorial team is considering an English version, they first want to establish the Afrikaans edition and will probably keep it a
quarterly publication. “There’s enough in there to keep you busy for three months!” Liezel says.
And readers, apparently, are doing just that. As an anonymous reader sums it up:
“Intiem feels like a new Bible to my improved marriage!” SMF